Dear Abby: My friend invites me to dine often, and I still invent vague excuses about why I can’t come. The reason for my reluctance is his poor kitchen hygiene. The refrigerator always has old food and spill, and the counters and sink of its kitchen are full of dirty dishes and leftovers. Nor is you washed your hands before cooking.
I have helped her clean her kitchen many times while visiting, thinking that she could only need guidance, but her old habits adhere. He feels uncomfortable and inappropriate to tell him the reason for my continuous cancellations. How would you proceed? – Friendly
Dear Friend: You will not change it. The way to handle this would be to invite her home to dinner, accept her meals in a restaurant or take to place.
Dear Abby: Recently I am separated, and my divorce will be definitive soon. I have met a woman who didn’t even know that it could exist. She is perfect for me. The problem is that he lives at an hour and a half and cannot drive at night due to a medical condition.
I have fallen in love with her, and she is mutual. The problems are the distance and the fact that his father has just died. She is a widow who lives with her toxic mother. We both want this to work, but she needs time and space. I am willing to give it to him because I think it is worth it.
This is the second relationship would be in my life. My ex and I were together for decades, but among other bad things, she cheated me. I wonder if you have any advice for me. This new woman is my true “unicorn.” I would do anything for her. I want to be with her, and she says the same, but although her mother is toxic, she doesn’t seem to want to leave her and the bad situation she is in.
It’s early, I know, but I’m willing to wait. We have a lot in common. She has not asked for anything except time and space, but I am almost 40 years old. (It is a little older). I have no idea with relationships. I am scared and excited. We want to be a family with a home. Please help me here. – Confused in South Carolina
Dear confused: You need to call enough patience for all this to develop. He is still married and, frankly, he needs time to recover his balance after a bad marriage that lasted decades. While I am sure that her “unicorn” is a very special woman, he needs time to cry the death of his father and decide if he wants to live apart from his mother who, facing her, can always be part of the package.
Happiness and emotion are intoxicating. Do not act impetuously. Take this very slowly. Those long and inconvenient trips can help you gain perspective. Over time, if this is as correct as you expect, you will have the happy ending you expect.
To my Muslim readers: At sunset, it is time for the rupture of the fasting of Ramadan. Happy Eid al-Fitr, all. – Love, Abby
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by his mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or Po Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
