Dear Abby: I have divorced for 13 years and I have been dating “Paul” during the last five years. Paul is kind, help with things at home and loves my friends and family. We share many common interests and enjoy being together. Now we are considering moving on to the next step: marriage. We already live together.
The problem is that Paul is not financially responsible. He helps pay the invoices, and we alternate the tab when we leave. I win more than him, which is not much, but I do not have a retirement configuration or a great insurance. If we were married, I would help my insurance problems. The house and assets are in my name.
Part of the reason for my divorce was the inability of my ex to administer the money, which led us to a debt world. I don’t want to go through that again. I would love to marry Paul but I don’t want to assume his financial debt. What is the right decision to make? – Trapped in this in Wisconsin
Dear stuck: The right thing to do would be to discuss this with a lawyer who can help him discover if he really wants to be legally married to Paul. Marrying someone to get your insurance is not the right path. Talking with an insurance agent about a program for which it could be eligible would not only be enlightening, but also advantageous.
Dear Abby: My friend “Buddy’s daughter” is an age between the ages of my two daughters. She is 11 years old; Mine are 10 and 13. I know Buddy from high school, and our wives get along. We live near each other, and that is great, but his daughter “Edie” is a nightmare to have stayed with us. She is bad, arrogant, disobedient and incredibly rude.
My wife is and love to spend time with Buddy and his wife. His youngest daughter is 3 years old and is adorable, but also very spoiled. We do not want to endanger our friendship, but it is beginning to wear out to have Edie here without going to them about their behavior. How can we call this at your attention without seeming to criticize their breeding of children and bother them? – Harto de Illinois
Dear Farto: Is Edie bad, arrogant, disobedient and rude in the presence of his parents, or has he been invited to spend time with his girls separately? If it is the last and you do not want Edie to negatively influence your girls modeling the bad behavior, explain that you have “certain rules” in your home and what they are. Be sure to know that if you can’t follow the rules, you will not be invited again.
If Edie behaves so badly in the presence of his parents, tell Buddy and his wife in private that although you value their friendship, you no longer want your daughter to be there because you do not want her behavior to influence your own children.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by his mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.dearabby.com or Po Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
